Valentines Day War

14 02 2011

Valentines Day brings about the talk of romance where love is in the air.  But many guys are living in the constant battle with pornography, and are so deep in the mix with pornography that they become cold and numb to their relationship with their wife, kids, girlfriend, or fiance.

Through my 7 years of ministry, I have counseled more guys (teenagers, college students, and adults) with their addiction to pornography than any other issue.  And I have seen pornography wreck more marriages, more relationships than any other problem.  I get a phone call, email, or text about twice a week from a guy who is sick of the addiction and the chains that come with internet pornography.  I would venture to say that some 80-90% of teenage and college guys are plugging into porn on a weekly basis.  It’s not just a problem…it’s an EPIDEMIC!

PORNOGRAPHY absolutely sucks!  It destroys marriages, it destroys relationships, it destroys families, it destroys ministry, it destroys churches, and it destroys lives.

Here are several ways you can wage war against PORN in your life:

1.  Get help-You may think you quit on your own.  But here is the reality.  You absolutely can’t do it on your own.  You need accountability.  You need software on ALL of the computers that you use.  You need to take this issue to someone you trust who will walk through this with you.  Find someone of the same sex and ask them to hold you accountable, tell them to ask you the tough question of “Have you looked at any porn today? This week?”  And you absolutely can’t do this without God’s help.  Spend every morning praying Psalm 51 for your life.

2.  Wage War- your fight against pornography isn’t going to stop with you saying “I’m done.”  You aren’t strong enough.  Waging war on your addiction might mean shutting off your internet service at your house.  Trust me, you  don’t have a good enough excuse for keeping it on.  Test me… You have to go into the battle full force, cutting the cable off, internet off, turn filtering systems on, get guys to ask you pointed and specific questions.  Internet pornography is not just a small issue among other problems.  So, let’s stop talking about it like a problem to fix over time.  YOU MUST WAGE WAR AGAINST PORNOGRAPHY IN YOUR LIFE.

2.  Identify your triggers-what is it that get’s your mind rolling toward eventually falling into the mess of porn again?  You need to write out a list of EVERY thing that leads you to start the process of thinking about porn.  Most of the time, it isn’t just an automatic thought process to think porn.  So, list out TV shows, stores in your town, music you listen to, and people you are around that get you thinking in a way that leads to thinking about porn.

3.  Think about what you would lose-a lot of the time, porn can be something that is a fleeting desire that quickly passes.  And, when you are in the moment, you don’t automatically think about all the things that you would lose if it became public knowledge that you are addicted to porn.  But, it is a sobering and humbling reminder to write out (not just think in your mind) every thing (big and small) that you would lose.  Your marriage, your family, your ministry, your influence, your story, your friends, etc…

If you are a leader in a church addicted to porn, set up roadblocks and boundaries in your life to kill the addiction.  Get help today.  Even if you aren’t addicted to porn, set up roadblocks like internet filtering and accountability software.  Have guys in your life that will ask you to your face every week if you are living a life that pleases God and honors your wife and kids.  Talk about it with guys in your ministry.  There is a good chance they are struggling with it and haven’t told anyone.

Your marriage is at stake.  Your family is at stake.  Your ministry is at stake.  The GOSPEL is at stake.

If you want help, here are some websites and here is my email address.  I’d love to help you.


XXX Church-a great resource with helpful articles and FREE accountability software (X3Watch)

Safe Eyes-I believe that this is one of the best internet filtering and accountability programs on the market.  This is the accountability and filtering system that I have installed on my computer. (and I don’t get paid to say that…)

How do you fight the battle against internet pornography?

How are you leading the conversation about battling porn in the ministry you are leading?




One response

14 02 2011
Tweets that mention Valentines Day War « --

[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jon Clinard, Brandon Reed. Brandon Reed said: Why not this valentines day, choose to love your WIFE/FAMILY/CHURCH more than your addiction to PORN […]

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